


Can't Get This Shit Out Of My Head

by suchalongway



Series: Dirrty Love [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Protective Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 14:40:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15820950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchalongway/pseuds/suchalongway
Summary: When someone gets a little too close to Harry, Louis does whatever it takes to protect his boy.





	Can't Get This Shit Out Of My Head

**Author's Note:**

> You dont have to read the first three to get this one :) and please comment !!! i wanna know how much u all love it like i do :D 
> 
> title is from my best friend post malones song better now
> 
> Here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/Louis_Tomlinson?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor)

“What the fuck,” Louis exclaimed. “What are you doing in me basement?” 

Shahid rises up from the position in which he’d been squatting for the past three months. “Technically,” he corrected. “I’ve been in Liam’s basement.” Across the room, Louis’ eyebrow quirked in confusion. “Like in his exclusive, extreme, sexy butt.”

Behind Louis’ disgusted face, the basement door opens again and Harry comes downstair, long golden robe flowing like silk behind him. “What’s going on?” 

Liam couldn’t help but notice how clean the couple looked. It was disgusting - utterly revolting. But then again, they were his best friends in the entire world, and Liam had chosen to accept them no matter how tidy they decided to live their gay little lives. That’s what friends did. 

“Get the fuck out my house, you fucking het!” Louis, Liam’s best friend, spat.  

His insult, though hurtful, was completely fair. 

“Yes sir,” Liam bowed. 

Shahid gripped Liam’s moist wrist in his spaghetti fingers and pulled him towards the door. He was angry, Liam could tell by the smell of burning rubber as his tiny brain overworked itself. They walked up the stairs, but Liam’s moldy gelatin toes folded underneath his feat and he tripped. 

In front of him, Shahid fell back with the motion, staining the train of Harry’s robe with his greasy body outline. 

Had that been the end of everything, they could’ve left without a problem, but their three months in the musty basement with no toilet was a problem for Shahid. His ass oppened up like a Pilsbury crescent tube and all of the shit in his body danced out like the cha cha slide was playing at a children’s birthday party. It all puddled onto the robe, and That’s when all hell broke loose. 

Harry shrieked in agony, sounding like every high note Liam had ever failed to hit. The noise had all of the neighborhood dogs begin to bark to the tune of Meet You There by 5 Seconds of Summer, the band made up of all of Liam’s ex lovers. 

Louis jumped into action, quickly entering a passcode into a hidden door in the stone wall and darting in to retrieve Liam’s missing kneecap that he’d kept hidden for the past year. 

“Stand back!” Louis shouted, brandishing the kneecap. 

“Liam, your kneecap!” Shahid gasped. “I thought it was lost in the fire!” 

Liam smiled in relief. “I knew you’d take care of me, Louis! You’re my very best friend!”

Louis growled, baring his baby tiger teeth and fixing his fluffy baby hair. “This isn’t for you, Lactose. This is for your husband.” With that, he frisbeed the kneecap straight at Shahid, knocking him right in his last remaining rib, which floated out of his body and bounced out the basement door excitedly. Shahid fell to the floor, dead as a dead turkey. 

Liam quivered in horror, whimpering out a goodbye song, “ Hey hey hey, oh…..why you wearing that to walk out of my life….”,he sang sadly, gazing down at Shahid’s lifeless body, which was adorned with a dirty tent cover, still damp from the last time they had sex. 

He broke his stare to look over at his neighbors, Louis had begun to fan Harry, who had fainted from shock, his curls in a halo of disarray around his giant, humongous, disproportionate features. 

Liam took their distracted state as an opportunity to drag Shahid’s dead, sweaty, crumpled body across the floor of the basement and out the door, his body leaving a trail of fermented snail slime. Liam looked around, his itty bitty ant brain whizzing inside his skull as he tried to find a suitable place to bury Shahid’s body. His eyes landed on the abandoned house next to Louis and Harry’s that had been for sale ever since the day after Liam had moved in to his dumpster. It was the perfect place, Shahid had always told him that he would like to be buried in a stranger’s backyard, in a very shallow grave. He had told Liam this at least once an hour. 

Liam huffed and puffed and swung Shahid’s body round and round as he walked to the backyard, finding the momentum exhilarating. 

Yes, his microscopic heart may be broken, but the thrill-seeking part of his body was positively aroused with this feeling. His gravy arms quivered underneath the weight of Shahid’s stiff body, but soon he was in the heart of the backyard. 

Though this was Liam’s First Time in a graveyard, being in the company of a dead body was so Familiar to him. He didn’t have a shovel, so he used his sharp talons to dig his way down into the ground, Slow and almost too straight. Once he reached at least 2 feet down, he kicked Shahid’s vegemite body with all of his might, making sure he was set fully in the grave. He’d get Shahid’s dying wish right - it’s been ingrained in him, and Shahid’s afterlife is going to Depend On It. When everything is all settled, Liam lies in the grave next to his dead hushpuppy husband, wrapping his arms around Shahid’s. Liam leans up, kisses his cold, clammy cheek, and whispers, “It’s good to be Home With You.” 

Just as Liam begins to fall asleep he hears an angry voice shout, “What in the craic is this? I am not having a cracker of a good time!” 

 

 

FIN>>>>> OR IS IT 

**Author's Note:**

> Shahid's dead :( ,..... .or is he???? lol A/N: Sorry it's so short i just wanted to get it out as fast as possible for all my gans.  
> so who do you all think found liam at the graveyard? Who's voice was it????????? NOT MINE LOL
> 
> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Louis_Tomlinson?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor)


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